This Should is a Bad Word cross stitch pattern is now available in my Etsy shop! Well, as you can see, the pattern doesn’t use the word “bad,” it uses stronger language. That more accurately describes how I feel about “should.”
“Should” is rooted in expectations you perceive from your friends, your family, from society and the media. “Should” leads to feelings of guilt and unworthiness – if I don’t do something I “should” do, someone will think less of me and I will think less of myself.
Here are some examples – maybe you have heard some of these before?
- That dress should look amazing on me.
- I should be saving for my retirement.
- This vacation should be perfect.
- I should be married (or at least engaged) by now!
As a much healthier alternative, concentrate on using these words instead:
- I need to try on dresses until I find one that looks amazing on me.
- I will put 10% of my paycheck into my 401K.
- I hope this travel plan works out well, and if not, we’ll make the best of whatever we encounter!
- I want to marry the right person.
At the same time, I tend to be wary of people who say “should” a lot. You know them – “Oh, you should do this,” “Oh, you should totally buy these,” “Oh, you should be fine by now,” “Oh, you should be so upset!” How often do their “should”s get others into trouble?
Instead, listen for the people who give constructive options (“you could try this, or this, or this”) and for the people who have been through similar situations and say “well, I did this, and it worked out this way.” I’ve found that friendships with these types of people are much healthier.
Whenever my husband and I catch ourselves or each other saying “should” we extend the sentence by tacking on “…ah yes, but should is a shitty word.” It gives us a giggle and helps clear the mind a bit. Then we rephrase the thought and move on to better things!
Do you agree that should is a bad word? After seeing this project, do you think you will be more aware of how you and others use the word “should?”