Statistics Cross Stitch Pattern

This statistics cross stitch pattern is now available in my Etsy shop!statistics cross stitch pattern - statistically speaking most people are assholes

The quote for this statistics cross stitch pattern comes from an episode of The Nightly Show on Comedy Central. During one of their #Keepit100 segments, host Larry Wilmore asked the panel (and I’m paraphrasing) if your dog and a stranger were drowning, who would you save, the person or your dog? Rory Albanese replied “If it’s an adult, I save my dog every time because statistically speaking, most people are assholes.” Here’s the clip (you can skip ahead to 1:34):

Keep in mind, I don’t subscribe to this theory most of the time… but there are those moments. As soon as I heard this quote, I scribbled it down and knew I would stitch it someday.

For those of you who haven’t seen it, The Nightly Show is hosted by Larry Wilmore, who did frequent segments on The Daily Show with Jon Stewart. The show debuted in January 2015 and can be seen just after The Daily Show. Although the show might have started off a little awkwardly, I think Larry and his staff have really hit their stride in recent months. The show packs a lot of laughs, fresh, diverse viewpoints, and some great [bleeped-out] cursing. That Larry is a self-described “blerd” (black nerd) appeals to me as well.

statistics cross stitch pattern - statistically speaking most people are assholesThis pattern is packed with mathematical and statistical symbols for various constants and functions. The first “t” is tau, which is a symbol used to represent Kendall’s rank correlation coefficient. The first “a” is alpha, which represents the level of significance, also know as the type I error rate. The second “t” is an addition (plus) sign.

The “S” in “speaking” is an integral sign from calculus, the “E” is a capital sigma that represents a sum, and the symbol for “n” represents an intersection. The “y” and the “G” are both related to Goodman and Kruskal’s gamma. The border pattern is comprised of lower case sigmas which represent the all-important statistic of standard deviation.

It was necessary to take a few liberties with subscripts that complete the pattern and add a little visual interest – but the t sub i very easily could represent interior temperature in engineering applications.

This statistics cross stitch project is perfect for statisticians, scientists, mathematicians, engineers, and smart people. It’s also great for curmudgeons and your favorite anti-social grumps!

MST3K Cross Stitch Pattern “Blow it…”

This MST3K cross stitch pattern is now available in my Etsy shop!mst3k cross stitch pattern the answer my friend is blow it out your ass

 

The project is a funny quote from Mystery Science Theater 3000 Episode 614 – San Francisco International. It’s a terrible movie, cleverly skewered by Mike and the ‘bots. It was written as the pilot episode of a series that lasted six episodes. The TV movie appeared in 1970 and featured Clu Gallagher, Tab Hunter, Van Johnson, and David Hartman. When it went to series, Lloyd Bridges played the airport security chief, a role he spoofed later in the movie Airplane!

Most of the plot revolves around an elaborate attempt to steal a large shipment of currency that looks surprisingly similar to boxes of Rush albums. One subplot involves a young boy, Davey, who manages to steal a small airplane and get airborne with no flying experience whatsoever. “You know, people are gonna hate you for quite a while after this, Davey.”

While the Urkel-themed host segments haven’t aged well (in fact, you will probably want to skip them altogether), the quote “The answer, my friend, is blow it out your ass” is a classic riff! You can see the entire episode on YouTube…

I used two DMC Variegated Flosses in this project: 4220 Lavender Fields in the lettering, and 4020 Tropical Waters as part of the border. I generally use brighter colors in my projects, but I wanted to make this look a little softer, a little breezy, a little like the Joan Baez version of “Blowing in the Wind.”

This MST3K cross stitch pattern is perfect for all MSTies (fans of Mystery Science Theater 3000) and for everyone who appreciates a funny and rude cross stitch project.

For those of you who have read this far and don’t have a clue as to what MST3K is, read this Wikipedia article. A MST3K revival just became the biggest Film and Video category Kickstarter project of all time, raising $6.3 Million for 14 new episodes in 2016. Can’t wait…

Keep circulating the tapes!

Glow in the Dark Thread Review

I’ve created this glow in the dark thread review as I was genuinely curious about two things: how to use the Kreinik’s line of glow in the dark (GITD) threads and the difference between the Kreinik and DMC’s E940 GITD floss. I carry the DMC floss in my Etsy shop and it has proved to be very popular. However, DMC has only the one color of GITD floss where Kreinik has seven colors and eight different sizes/types of thread.

The participants:glow in the dark thread review - all the threads I tested

Clockwise from top left you see Kreinik Blending Filament in Grapefruit, #4 Braid in Watermelon, #8 Braid in Lime, #16 Braid in Lemon Lime, #32 Braid in Tangerine, 1/16″ Ribbon in Blueberry, #8 Braid in Grapefruit, and the DMC E940 floss.

Kreinik also has #12 Braid, #24 Braid, and a 1/8″ Ribbon, but I decided against trying them out in lieu of the 4-8-16-32 progression you see above. Kreinik also has a seventh color, Grape, but it is only available in 1/16″ and 1/8″ Ribbons.

I used the Kreinik threads in cross stitch on 18 and 14 count Aida fabrics. I also used the Kreinik threads in tent or basketweave stitch on 18 and 14 count needlepoint canvases and in 7 count plastic canvas. I didn’t necessarily use every thread on every canvas – as you’ll see below, some of the combinations of thread and fabric were impractical.

With that in mind, let’s see how these Kreinik threads stitched up on a variety of cross stitch fabrics and needlepoint canvases. Let’s get started with the 18 count Aida…
18 ct aida light

The Blending Filament is interesting stuff – it’s a bit like stitching with very fine fishing line. It is composed of lots of extremely thin filaments that love to fray at the ends of the strand. I was able to thread it in a #26 tapestry needle pretty well. Using this color filament on white material took supreme concentration to make sure that all the stitches were done correctly. You can barely tell that the filament is there – it just adds a little plastic-y shimmer to the fabric.

The only issue I had with the Blending Filament itself on this 18 count Aida was that the strand frayed pretty badly while I was stitching. This didn’t happen with the filament as prominently on any of the other fabrics or canvases I tested. Below left you see the back of the Aida, and on the right you see the front. Keep in mind this filament was not necessarily designed to be used like this, so this is not a big deal. I just wouldn’t recommend using it in this exact same way.
18 ct aida issue with blending filament18 ct aida issue with blbf1ending filament

 

 

 

 

 

The Watermelon pink #4 Braid provided great coverage on this 18 count Aida, where the Lime green #8 Braid was a little too heavy (you’ll see how I made a few cross stitches crossing two at top just for fun). Using these Braids is like stitching with a heavy waxed dental floss. Rather than form knots, the threads tend to kink like a garden hose and they like to fray at the ends of the strand. I could not thread either Braid into my #26 tapestry needle. Unlike cotton floss that can “squish” into a needle eye, the #4, #8, and #16 Braids have no ability to compress whatsoever and needles with bigger eyes are necessary.

Stitching with the #4 and #8 plastic Braids produces an interesting texture on the fabric that I’ll call “crunchy.” You’re stitching with plastic, so “crunchy” is to be expected! It’s just different than the more soft and pillowy stitches that result from using cotton and wool.

Ah! But how do they glow? Well, they glow great!
18 ct aida dark

You can see the light coverage of the Blending Filament, the good coverage of the #4 Braid, and the lumpy coverage of the #8 Braid.

Up next is the 14 count Aida…
14 ct aida light

Again, you can hardly see the Blending Filament. The #4 Braid has some coverage, but the #8 Braid is about perfect on this 14 count Aida. I tried a little of the Lemon Lime #16 Braid, but it proved to be just too thick, distorting the fabric and holes pretty badly.

Stitching with the #16 Braid is like stitching with a very tiny paracord, so it doesn’t kink up quite like the #4 and #8 Braids. Finding a needle with an eye big enough to accommodate this Braid that won’t distort the fabric can be tough. And in the dark…
14 ct aida dark

the results are similar. The Blending Filament and the #4 Braid don’t quite cover the Aida effectively. The #8 Braid is about perfect, and the #16 Braid looks lumpy. Also, there’s not much difference in color between the Lime #8 and the Lemon-Lime #16 Braids.

On to the needlepoint canvases! First up, 18 count…
18 ct needlepoint canvas light

In tent stitch, the Blending Filament is hardly visible, the #4 Braid doesn’t quite cover, the #8 Braid gives a little more cover, but the #16 Braid is the one that effectively fills in the canvas.

Here I used the 1/16″ Ribbon in both tent stitch and backstich. The ribbon is flat, so it is quite easy to thread through a needle and it doesn’t tend to fray much. It does require constant untwisting and manipulation to keep flat. In tent stitch, it covers well but looks a little crowded. Ah, but in backstitch it really looks great! You can easily see the light color and the shimmery texture. The slight difference in the brightness between the tent stitch and the backstitch is true-to-life – the tent stitched portion really is a bit darker than it’s backstitched counterpart.

In the dark…
18 ct needlepoint canvas dark

the results are similar. The Blending Filament and #4 Braid are definitely visible but don’t cover at all, the #8 Braid is better, but the #16 Braid and the 1/16″ Ribbon cover well. The ribbon in tent stitch glows a little brighter than the backstitched section, but it’s not a huge difference. There’s also not much difference in color between the Lime #8, the Lemon Lime #16, and the Blueberry 1/16″ ribbon, whereas the Blending Filament in Grapefruit definitely looks more blueish. Interesting!

In 14 count needlepoint canvas,14 ct needlepoint canvas light

almost identical results as the 18 point canvas. The Blending Filament, #4 Braid, and #8 Braid aren’t enough to cover, while the #16 Braid and the 1/16 Ribbon covers nicely. The Ribbon looks better and less crowded in tent stitch than it did on the 18 count canvas, and again the backstitch looks nice.

In the dark, again similar results as the 18 point canvas:
14 ct needlepoint canvas dark

Nice coverage by the #16 Braid and the 1/16″ Ribbon.

The last material I tried was 7 count plastic canvas.
7 ct plastic canvas whiteI started with the #4 Braid, and here you can see that it, the #8 Braid, the #16 Braid and the 1/16″ Ribbon don’t cover the canvas at all. The Ribbon in cross stitch is enough to cover the plastic canvas grid but leaves the holes completely open.

Here I tried the #32 Braid for the first time. This braid, unlike it’s smaller siblings, does flatten out. It seems to be somewhat hollow in the middle – the closest comparison I can offer is that it’s like stitching with a tiny Chinese finger trap – and it has a bit of spongy give to it. Like using the ribbon, it does require some manipulation to get it to lay flat. Even the #32 Braid in tent stitch doesn’t fully fill all of the holes in the canvas (the photo shows the coverage as being a little more generous than it is in real life). However, the #32 Braid in cross stitch completely covers the canvas and fills the holes.

In the dark…
7 ct plastic canvas dark

the #4 and #8 Braids are barely visible, the #16 braid and 1/16″ ribbon are bright but don’t cover well. The #32 Braid glows great, but the full coverage is only in cross stitch. Here you can see better the difference between the color of the Blueberry Ribbon and the Lemon Lime #16 Braid, and the Tangerine orange of the #32 Braid is clear.

Thus far, this review has been all about using the Kreinik threads. Now here’s how the DMC floss compares with it’s closest Kreinik counterpart.
14 ct aida comparison light

On the left is Kreinik #8 Brain in Grapefruit, and on the right is two strands of DMC E940 Floss. I chose the #8 Braid as it provided the best coverage on 14 count aida, and I chose Grapefruit as it was the closest in color to the near white of the E940.

On the top, I did a few backstitches of varying lengths, and then I stitched six rows of cross stitch. It’s pretty clear to see that when it comes to behaving like regular six strand cotton embroidery floss, DMC has a clear advantage. It is soft and pillowy, whereas the Kreinik Braid has the “crunchy” texture I talked of above. The Kreinik produces a noticeably thicker and more sparkly stitch rather than the lower profile and matte finish of the DMC. The backstitches in DMC lie flat and behave well, and the Kreinik backstitches are a little more unruly.

And how do they glow?
14 ct aida comparison dark 0 seconds

They both glow well, but I’ll give the edge to the Kreinik, especially when it comes to the backstitching.

How well does the glow last over time? Here’s the glow after approximately 30 seconds:
14 ct aida comparison dark 30 seconds later

and again after approximately 60 seconds:
14 ct aida comparison dark after 60 seconds

The two are just about equally effective. Please keep in mind that the glow after a minute is more detectable by the human eye than by my camera. The glow is easily seen for much longer than just one minute!

So, after all this review, what would I use? Well, if the white color of the thread in daylight was fine, and I was doing cross stitch or needlepoint in 14-18 count, I’d use the DMC. It really is that much easier to use in those applications. However, if I wanted the stitching to be a color other than white or I was using plastic canvas, I think the Kreinik would be my choice. I would also use the #8 and larger Kreinik Braids and Ribbons in embroidery as couched threads (you can read more about couching here and here).

The DMC is definitely designed to act like six-strand embroidery floss, whereas the Kreinik is designed for a wider range of applications. How both of them are used is up to your creative talents!

Have you used any of these DMC or Kreinik glow in the dark threads? How did you use them and what are your impressions?

Airplane Movie Cross Stitch Pattern

This Airplane (the movie) cross stitch pattern is now available in my Etsy shop!airplane movie cross stitch project

The quote is from Leslie Nielsen’s character, Dr. Rumack. He repeats the phrase “I just want to tell you both good luck. We’re all counting on you” before, during and after the plane lands. You can see them in the video below:

I tried my hardest to make faithful recreation of the TransAmerican airplane (at a reasonable size) and I have to say I’m pleased with the result! If you count carefully, there are a few more windows than the original, but the pattern of dark vs. light windows is pretty accurate. I was happy that I was able to recreate the “TA” logo on the tail fairly well.airplane movie cross stitch project transamerican plane photo

The pattern can be modified for any of your favorite funny lines from Airplane! Other quotes I considered include “I am serious… and don’t call me Shirley,” “It’s a big building with patients, but that’s not important right now,” “Why, I could make a hat or a brooch or a Pterodactyl,” and “You ever seen a grown man naked?” There are so many possibilities that would work well!

Airplane! is one of the funniest movies of all time. It’s so crammed full of gags that nearly every time you see it, you’ll discover something new to make you giggle. One great example is that it took me at least a decade to realize that during the exterior shots of the plane, instead of jet engine sounds, you hear propeller sounds. The A.V. Club posted a brilliant article – an oral history of Airplane! – on it’s 35th anniversary in 2015 that includes great information about the movie. For example, did you know that Barry Manilow and David Letterman were considered for the role of Ted Striker?

According to Wikipedia “In the years since its release, Airplane!’s reputation has grown substantially. The film was ranked sixth on Bravo’s 100 Funniest Movies. In a 2007 survey by Channel 4 in the United Kingdom, it was judged the second greatest comedy film of all time, after Monty Python’s Life of Brian” and “In 2010 it was selected for preservation in the National Film Registry by the Library of Congress.”

This Airplane movie cross stitch pattern would perfect for all fans of the film, so go check it out… and stop calling me Shirley.

Men in Blazers Cross Stitch Pattern

This Men in Blazers cross stitch pattern is now available in my Etsy shop!men in blazers cross stitch pattern crap goals make my pants tingle

If you follow English football and have a sense of humor, make sure you catch the Men in Blazers. On a tight budget and a miniscule staff, Michael Davies and Roger Bennett create very funny podcasts, TV shows, Twitter and Instagram feeds, and they are even hosting their first “BlazerCon” in October 2015.

I have to credit my Dad with discovering the TV show that airs Monday nights on NBC Sports Network. I’m not sure how he found it, but as my husband closely follows British football, we are SO glad he did. Rog and Davo are smart, funny, and quick. The show is full of bizarre metaphors and obscure references – I’d say it’s like an English Premier League version of Mystery Science Theater 3000.

There’s a lot of “crap” in the Men in Blazers – as in “crap goals,” and their studio is in the “crap part of Soho.” There’s also a lot of “tingling,” usually in Rog’s pants or pectoral areas. Frequent references to Arsenal player Olivier Giroud’s “meaty french forehead,” Man City’s goalkeeper Joe Hart’s appearance (especially when he had the moustache), whatever nuttiness Louis van Gaal was up to in the last week, and keeping an eye on the crazy fans in the stands are some of their features.

The Men in Blazers have also tackled American football – this video is some of their highlights:

I actually had a tough time deciding what saying to use for this project as there are so many possibilities! I originally thought of a couple of their sartorial hashtags: #MovetoTweed and #LeantoLinen. Next I considered the name of their loyal followers: GFOP’s aka Great Friends of the Podcast. But then I decided some crap and some tingling needed to get involved and so I created this Men in Blazers cross stitch pattern, perfect for your favorite GFOP’s!

Montana Cross Stitch Pattern – Arrowhead Road Sign

This Montana cross stitch pattern and kit are now available in my Etsy shop!montana road sign cross stitch arrowhead

 

Montana Highway SignsThe pattern is based on a Montana Secondary Road sign. The standard Montana Highway sign (shown at right) is a bit plain, so I thought this Secondary Road sign with it’s cool arrowhead pattern would make a much more interesting cross stitch pattern.

 

 

Montana Rural Road #323I can easily customize this pattern for any of your favorite Montana roads! MyScenicDrives has good information about Montana.

[Montana Highway Signs by Jimmy Emerson, DVM, via Flickr]

Country Road Take Me Home

[Road leading from Bozeman Montana, winding through the Bridger Mountains by Kim Tasjian via Flickr]

287

[Looking north towards Ennis, Montana along US 287 by Madison76 via Flickr]

Road

[Glacier National Park by Lue Huang via Flickr]

Create a reminder of a favorite drive in Big Sky Country with this Montana cross stitch pattern and kit!

This pattern is just the latest in a series of state highway sign patterns. Others in the series thus far include Colorado, Alaska, California, Texas, Michigan, Utah, Florida, New Mexico, Georgia, Washington, and an Interstate sign… Check ’em out!

French Liquor License Cross Stitch Pattern

This French liquor license cross stitch pattern is now available in my Etsy shop!french liquor license cross stitch pattern

 

french liquor license cross stitch pattern original signThis fun pattern is based on an enameled metal sign I saw outside the Hotel Le Tropicana in Douville, France. I thought it was a really charming sign and I immediately knew that I would stitch one for myself someday.

The number IV (4) indicates that the establishment can sell all types of beers, wines, and spirits. License types I, II, and III exist as well.

 

 

 

We stayed at this hotel as the 2014 Tour de France individual time trial (ITT) stage passed very close by. In a previous blog post, I shared a little about why the ITT is our favorite stage to watch and some highlights and videos of the Tour.

gypsy ways update 6 french sign translation failI’m going to repeat myself a bit from that same previous post: “One of my favorite finds of the summer was very near our hotel. There is a nice little campground with a lake, [and] this is one of the signs around the lake:

 

 

The English part of the sign really means to say ‘Swimming in the lake is prohibited,’ so one can only assume this is just a spectacular web-based translation fail.” Although this sign is a cute favorite, I don’t plan on creating a cross stitch pattern based on it.

I’ve always been curious about the date on the plaque – 24 September 1941. This was after France fell to the Germans in World War II. There are few other images of this plaque on the web, but the ones I have seen have the same date. So was this liquor license law something that was in legislative process before the German invasion, or was this law something that the Germans insisted upon during their occupation? I’d enjoy to hear any insights into the matter.

This French liquor license cross stitch pattern is a perfect project for your favorite Francophiles (fans of French culture), oenophiles (fans of wine), and beer connoisseurs. It would look great in a kitchen, dining room, home bar, media room – wherever good libations are enjoyed!

Camino de Santiago Cross Stitch Pattern

This Camino de Santiago cross stitch pattern and kit is now available in my Etsy shop!camino de santiago cross stitch pattern

This project is a perfect way to commemorate a journey along the Way of St. James. The scallop shell has long been the symbol of the Camino, and it serves both practical and symbolic purposes.

The shell served as a makeshift bowl for water and food, and pilgrims would often take a Galician scallop shell on their return home as proof of their journey. The grooves in the scallop also symbolize the different paths the pilgrims follow on route to their one destination – Santiago de Compostela, legendary home of the apostle St. James’ remains.

Iglesia de Santiago de Compostela - Galicia - España.The Cathedral of Santiago de Compostela is in the province of Galicia in northwestern Spain.

[photo by Marcelo Jaramillo Cisneros via Flickr]

There are two main routes to the cathedral. There is a more inland route through Logroño, the Rioja region, Burgos, and León. Rioja is one of my favorite places – I wrote about it near the bottom of this post on our 2014 travels.

There is also a more coastal route through Bilbao and Santander, and then through Asturias and Galicia. I wrote about Asturias in another post on our 2014 travels – it’s simply gorgeous.

I was lucky enough to go inside the cathedral during a special mass. At this mass they used the massive 80kg (176 lb) censer (incense burner) called the “Botafumiero” that requires several people, the “tiraboleiros,” to operate. The censer is attached to a rope that then swings via a pulley across the cathedral transept. The tiraboleiros swing the censor nearly to the ceiling!

camino de santiago cross stitch - censer in action in cathedral

From the Wikipedia article, “One explanation of this custom, which originated more than 700 years ago—although incense has been used in Catholic ritual from the earliest times—is that it assisted in masking the stench emanating from hundreds of unwashed pilgrims.”

As with many travels, it’s not necessarily the destination that is important – it’s the journey you take to get there. I hope many of you will use this Camino de Santiago cross stitch project as a way to create a reminder of your journey.

Beatles Wedding Cross Stitch Pattern

This Beatles wedding cross stitch pattern is now available in my Etsy shop!beatles wedding cross stitch pattern

This cross stitch pattern is a wonderful way to celebrate your big day or to create as a present to your favorite newlyweds or new parents.

The quote comes from the Beatles song “You Never Give Me Your Money” from their 1969 album Abbey Road. The song itself isn’t terribly romantic as it is about their business and interpersonal problems. Nevertheless, the line “One sweet dream came true today” always struck me as a great way to celebrate a marriage, a new baby, or a new start in life.

The photographed example above was made for the daughter and new husband of one of my cousins. Katie and T.J. had a true country wedding with the attendants wearing cowboy boots with their dresses and suits. The reception was in a barn, and the wedding party was transported by horse and carriage. Their colors were two shades of blue and sunflower yellow, thus these were the colors I chose for their project, plus a touch of celery green as an accent.

I would be happy to customize this project to suit the occasion. Of course, I can design the name(s) and date you would like to commemorate. In the Etsy listing, just hit “Ask a question” and we can discuss options and terms for your particular project.

It would also be great to see this project executed with different flosses and especially variegated flosses. Before I knew what the wedding colors were, I contemplated using one of my favorites, the rainbow colors of Anchor 1360 as the floss for either the scrollwork or as the flowers around the scrollwork.beatles wedding cross stitch pattern anchor 1360

I also considered using a variegated floss for the wording as text often looks terrific in subtly changing colors. One example is in my unique take on gratitude – my “Life Sucketh Not” pattern,life sucketh not cross stitch pattern

and another is my “Gluten in Your Muffin” pattern based on a quote from a Saturday Night Live sketch:gluten in your muffin cross stitch pattern

beatles wedding cross stitch patternVariegated flosses or not, I’d love to see this fun project in all kinds of colors and for all kinds of celebrations!

Monty Python Spanish Inquisition Cross Stitch Pattern

This Monty Python Spanish Inquisition cross stitch pattern is now available in my Etsy shop!monty python spanish inquisition cross stitch project

The quote for this project comes from their classic sketch from the second show of their second season. Michael Palin’s Cardinal Ximénez is flanked by Cardinal Biggles (Terry Jones with the aviator goggles) and Cardinal Fang (Terry Gilliam) as they stumble through their badly rehearsed ferocity and terror. It’s one of their most popular and oft-quoted sketches. You can see part of the episode here:
Monty Python’s Flying Circus ran from 1969 to 1974, creating a body of very silly and subversive comedy sketches that are still as bizarre today as they were then. If you’re unfamiliar with them, I recommend you start with either the BBC TV show, or the movie “And Now for Something Completely Different,” which is some of their best sketches from their first two seasons recreated with a higher production budget.

After their TV show, the popularity of Monty Python only kept growing. The troupe went on to create Monty Python and the Holy Grail, Life of Brian (my personal favorite), and the Meaning of Life, stirring up controversy at nearly every turn and even serious academic analysis along the way.

Monty Python "Moose Bites" Cross StitchI have two other Monty Python cross stitch patterns available in my shop – the first based on the very silly opening credits of their movie Monty Python and the Holy Grail,

 

 

 

Monty Python Fresh Fruitand the second based on their sketch about self defense against homicidal maniacs armed with fresh fruit.

 

 

 

 

 

 

Now go check out this Monty Python Spanish Inquisition cross stitch project before I have to… “fetch the soft cushions!”